Trying, waiting, hoping

[Bevziibubble]

How confusing with the spotting

 

[DuckyBlue]

How confusing with the spotting

Yes it is very confusing! Even more confusing that I've had symptoms I don't usually have, and no symptoms I usually get before my period

 

[Bevziibubble]

I hope you get a good outcome soon

 

[DuckyBlue]

Thank you!

I hope you get a good outcome soon

 

[kittiecat]

. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way and for the bfn. Glad your DH is looking after you. Rest and regroup sounds a lovely idea. Hope you have a peaceful, relaxing weekend

 

[DuckyBlue]

Definitely out! Period arrived this morning

 

[Bevziibubble]

@DuckyBlue I'm so sorry!

 

[DuckyBlue]

D brought me breakfast in bed. Though it doesn't make everything better it cheered me up a bit. He included my favourite chocolate which he'd been "saving for a special occasion" and a single red rose which has been his tradition every anniversary And now I'm more of an emotional wreck than I was earlier!

I think I'm going to call my doctor on Tuesday and discuss options with them. They've said before there's no reason I shouldn't be able to get pregnant but it's been 9 years now and nothing.
D and I have been discussing adoption again. Whilst it's something we've both always wanted to do I do not want it to cause issues with his mother!

 

[Bevziibubble]

Aww how sweet of him
I hope you're feeling a bit better today.

I hope that your doctor will be helpful

 

[kittiecat]

So sorry that the arrived .

Your DH sounds a sweetheart bless him

Hope the doctors can help give you both some answers

 

[DuckyBlue]

Today has been difficult. We've both cried, talked and cried some more - me especially. D ordered a take away for dinner as neither of us felt like cooking and it is our anniversary afterall!
Whilst D is as supportive as ever, I honestly feel like I'm the one to blame. D has spent most of the day giving me positive affirmations to repeat to myself to stop me hating myself. I had a nap this afternoon and D went for a walk. When he got back he'd brought the typical PSK (period survival kit) back with him - this is pain killers, chocolate, ice cream and other snacks and usually flowers to cheer me up. He started doing this years ago as my periods can be very heavy and painful, and he wants me to be happy and comfortable. He likes to get treats too (probably because he knows I'll share them with him!) Today he also brought a bottle of wine and one of those adult colouring books - which he spent most of the evening doing himself!
The hardest part was when one of our nephews phoned to say goodnight - D cancelled the plan for us to babysit for them tonight so the children phoned to say goodnight. Our nephew told us all about his day and then told us he'd already made his Christmas wish list. D asked him what was on that list and our nephew reeled off a list of things he wanted and then paused before saying "a baby cousin". I broke down at that point and D had to quickly end the call. That nephew is only four but it still hurt to him say that! It sounds crazy but it felt like even he was blaming me for us for not having a baby! I know that is ridiculous, but I think I'm just so emotional today that everything is really getting to me. I even got upset with D at lunchtime for putting the scrambled eggs on the toast rather than next to the toast. A silly thing to get upset about really! Thankfully D didn't take it personally!

 

[kittiecat]

This is NOT your fault. Infertility is a b word. It really is. It’s nobody’s fault. I’m so so sorry you’re going through all this pain.

 

[DuckyBlue]

This is NOT your fault. Infertility is a b word. It really is. It’s nobody’s fault. I’m so so sorry you’re going through all this pain.

Thank you! According to my doctor I don't have any fertility issues other than irregular cycles which appears to have no cause. I've had tests and everything comes back normal. D had some tests (privately) a few years ago and they all came back clear too. It's so frustrating because if the tests really are coming back fine then I don't understand why we are struggling so much to get pregnant!! Everything I've read says couples our age should see a doctor if they haven't conceived within a year. It's been 9 years and we keep being told "you're young, keep trying, there's nothing wrong".
Maybe we should get a second opinion ...

 

[kittiecat]

A second opinion could be worth checking out. I often believe that there are reasons for unexplained infertility somewhere, it’s just a case of finding out what. Another specialist may know of different tests to try perhaps.

 

[DuckyBlue]

Thank you! Definitely going to get a second opinion!

Ugh I hate cramps! Weirdest thing is today my period has been extremely light and the cramps have been just about bearable but also painful. I don't usually get cramping when my flow is light. Also felt sick earlier which is unusual for me during my period, as well as had other strange symptoms that I had last weekbut not usuallyduringmy period. It's like my body wants to play games with me! Judging by the cramps and headaches this is probably going to be a very heavy period. Great.

 

[kittiecat]

Ugh sorry to hear about the cramps

 

[Bevziibubble]

 

[DuckyBlue]

So my period has been very light yesterday and today. Barely there at the moment. I'm on cycle day 2 as apparently my apps don't count spotting as day 1, yet it's as light as it is usually is on the last day! The cramps have gone - thankfully - but I am so confused. It's never been this light before! And I still have the symptoms I was having last week that I never get during my period! Why does my body have to play mind games with me?

 

[Bevziibubble]

hmm how confusing

 

[kittiecat]

sorry that AF is messing you around. Definitely confusing