red_head
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I hope this post doesnt upset anyone, Ive tried to keep the tone light but Im hoping it doesnt come across like I dont care - its a coping thing for me - but now a month after my little boy was born sleeping at seventeen weeks, I was laying in the bath tub pulling out clumps of hair, wishing someone had warned me about some of the stuff thats happened. This was my first second trimester loss, very different to my early ones. I havent had any other children so have never experienced birth or post partum. I wasnt far enough along to have starting reading the birthing books. So I was quite unprepared. So I thought Id make a list of things I wish Id been ready for, and if people want to add that would be good.
1) So as I mentioned - hair loss. Clumps of it, though luckily not enough for bald patches. Apparently this is quite normal after birth.
2) leaky boobs. I hadnt even thought of this until the midwife told me the tablet she was giving me was to stop me producing it. I still had a tiny bit of clear stuff which I noticed once, wiped away, and never noticed again.
3) there was a cot in our room at the hospital. I hadnt really thought far enough ahead to that point but it was a shock walking in and seeing it. I made them take it out until it was needed.
4) depending on where you are in the pregnancy, your baby may not look like a baby. I googled beforehand so I knew what to expect here and I was glad I did. Our baby had died a few days before he was born, and was very red and honestly looked like a little monster.
5) monster or not, I still felt that love. I didnt feel it until about four hours later and I made them take him away as I couldnt look at him until that time - I think I went into shock a little. But I did feel it and I still do.
6) this one is fairly obviously but be prepared for lots of people looking into (yes actually inside) your vagina. I think my count was 8 and I was lucky that was it as I nearly had to have surgery to get the placenta out. Luckily the consultant on call was able to remove it with forceps. Luckily.
7) it can go on a long time, and can be boring. I think its so weird such an emotional event can get dull, but it did at times. We were told we could be in hospital for up to a week, but we were only there about 30 hours or so. We took magazines and ended up watching a film in the iPad, and Im glad we had them there for distraction.
8) buy some maternity pads. I had vaguely thought that mega sized sanitary towels would be okay but they werent. Any clots smaller than a 50p piece are fine afterwards - bigger than that then speak to your midwife.
9) you wont feel what you think you will. I laughed, cried, went totally numb, fell in love massively more with my husband, swore at him, refused to talk to anyone, over shared, you name it I did it. And I didnt do it how or when I thought I would.
10) pooping. Oh dear. Make yourself poop sooner rather than later. Again magazines may help. Its not easy.
11) be prepared to feel a bit abandoned afterwards. I found that suddenly we werent a priority. We still havent got our son back, havent had results etc - it can take three months. It would be nice to have our calls returned but they havent been. May dependent on the hospital, but we were told we would be offered counselling, get a bereavement midwife etc, and we havent.
12) your baby may be taken somewhere else if youre having a post mortem. We had no idea our baby was taken to London until it was casually dropped into conversation thats where he was.
13) Its a long process. Its really hard to start healing when you havent had a funeral or whatever you chose, dont know when to expect calls etc. Weve been told it could be around three months before we get results back, but we should get him back sooner - anytime now. Were still in limbo, but five weeks in and it is getting easier to be okay. I felt guilty every time I smiled at first, but it does get easier.
14) you can do it, and youre stronger than you think. I did not think I would make it through, before during or after. But I am. I did.
I really hope that no one ever needs to know this stuff, but hopefully if they do, then it helps. I also really recommend looking at sands the charity as theyve been really helpful.
1) So as I mentioned - hair loss. Clumps of it, though luckily not enough for bald patches. Apparently this is quite normal after birth.
2) leaky boobs. I hadnt even thought of this until the midwife told me the tablet she was giving me was to stop me producing it. I still had a tiny bit of clear stuff which I noticed once, wiped away, and never noticed again.
3) there was a cot in our room at the hospital. I hadnt really thought far enough ahead to that point but it was a shock walking in and seeing it. I made them take it out until it was needed.
4) depending on where you are in the pregnancy, your baby may not look like a baby. I googled beforehand so I knew what to expect here and I was glad I did. Our baby had died a few days before he was born, and was very red and honestly looked like a little monster.
5) monster or not, I still felt that love. I didnt feel it until about four hours later and I made them take him away as I couldnt look at him until that time - I think I went into shock a little. But I did feel it and I still do.
6) this one is fairly obviously but be prepared for lots of people looking into (yes actually inside) your vagina. I think my count was 8 and I was lucky that was it as I nearly had to have surgery to get the placenta out. Luckily the consultant on call was able to remove it with forceps. Luckily.
7) it can go on a long time, and can be boring. I think its so weird such an emotional event can get dull, but it did at times. We were told we could be in hospital for up to a week, but we were only there about 30 hours or so. We took magazines and ended up watching a film in the iPad, and Im glad we had them there for distraction.
8) buy some maternity pads. I had vaguely thought that mega sized sanitary towels would be okay but they werent. Any clots smaller than a 50p piece are fine afterwards - bigger than that then speak to your midwife.
9) you wont feel what you think you will. I laughed, cried, went totally numb, fell in love massively more with my husband, swore at him, refused to talk to anyone, over shared, you name it I did it. And I didnt do it how or when I thought I would.
10) pooping. Oh dear. Make yourself poop sooner rather than later. Again magazines may help. Its not easy.
11) be prepared to feel a bit abandoned afterwards. I found that suddenly we werent a priority. We still havent got our son back, havent had results etc - it can take three months. It would be nice to have our calls returned but they havent been. May dependent on the hospital, but we were told we would be offered counselling, get a bereavement midwife etc, and we havent.
12) your baby may be taken somewhere else if youre having a post mortem. We had no idea our baby was taken to London until it was casually dropped into conversation thats where he was.
13) Its a long process. Its really hard to start healing when you havent had a funeral or whatever you chose, dont know when to expect calls etc. Weve been told it could be around three months before we get results back, but we should get him back sooner - anytime now. Were still in limbo, but five weeks in and it is getting easier to be okay. I felt guilty every time I smiled at first, but it does get easier.
14) you can do it, and youre stronger than you think. I did not think I would make it through, before during or after. But I am. I did.
I really hope that no one ever needs to know this stuff, but hopefully if they do, then it helps. I also really recommend looking at sands the charity as theyve been really helpful.