Hello everyone,
I hope this is allowed, I thought I would start a thread where we can all come onto whenever we want to and have a general talk/chat about how we're feeling and updates on our progress. I know there is a general chatter area, but (thankfully) most of those ladies havent suffered a 2nd tri loss. I'll start....
I'm Tayla, i'm 22 years old, and we lost our darling Olivia at 21 weeks on 18th January. We are still waiting for her post mortem results, and it feels like its taking forever.
Today, I feel......lost? I feel nothing, like it didn't happened to me and its some distant memory that i'm trying to forget. I'm sure tomorrow, i'll be feeling completely different, as my emotions are so up and down, like a rollercoaster.
I hope you will all get involved, have a great day and love to all xxxx
Hi Tayla,
i`m Lisa and i am 40 years old.
I have 3 beautiful children, my eldest boy is 10,my daughter is 7 and my youngest boy is 21 months(2 in may)
Before I had my youngest i had MMC at 8 weeks gestation. i was heartbroken at the time, but i seemed to recover quite quickly as I was pregnant again in the September. The due date wasn`t too bad as i was PG again, but Idid shed a tear on the 1st anniversary.
However, this time has been so much worse. Last october i found I was PG by accident.i was so happy but DH was not too impressed as he did no want any more kids.
We had a nuchal scan at 12-13 weeks. We were told we were very low risk for DS and that we had a lovely healthy pregnancy.
On 9th jan, at 17 weeks, i went to hospital for a routine check up in the diabetic clinic (i had gestational diabetes in first pregnancy and had to inject insulin 3 times a day. Luckily next 2 were diet controlled)
The midwife checked my blood pressure and urine, which were fine and then got the doppler so we could listen to baby`s HB,but she couldn`t find it.
They took me for a scan, I was on my own, Dh hadn`t come as it was my usual 4 week check up (i had been going to hospital since October and had been checking my bloods 4 times a day to check my sugar levels)
The lady doing the scan couldn`t find HB, so went to get someone else who confirmed the same. I just lay on the bed sayiong, nooooooo, nooooo, this happened before it can`t happen again. I didn`t cry at first, just kept shaking my head, i felt likeI wanted to hit the ladies there, like it was their fault it had happened.
i than had to phone my DH to tell him the news. He came straight away and we held each other and cried.
The midwife then explained we had to go back the next day so they could give me some oral drugs to prepare my body to give birth to our baby.
We went back on the tuesday afternoon. I insisted they used the doppler again, clinging to the hope they may have got it wrong, but still no HB, so I took the tablet and arranged for me to return 9.00am thursday morning.
however,during wednesday night i started bleeding, so we were back in the hospital by 7.00am thursday morning. Ihad to call my mom at 6.00am to come over to look after the kids.
i kept thinking she should be doing this when we go to have a live baby not a dead one!
At 7.40am they inserted more drugs vaginally and said this would be done every 3 hours. I wasn`t getting any pain of discomfort, do about 8.30am DH went to get some breakfast.
At about 8.45am I felt a little uncomfortable, so went to the toilet where my baby was born into a bed pan. Fully formed,lying with it`s little head resting on it`s arm as if fast asleep. I sent text to DH " come back"
The placenta followed shortly after.
i then took some painkillers as I had a little discomfort, but nothing too bad. In that respect i was lucky it was so quick and pain free. Makes me think baby would have miscarried on it`s own very soon without the medical intervention. i still have the mark on my hand where they inserted the needle, ready for a drip, if needed(can`t remember medical name)
i was able to hold my baby and talk to it. Too small to tell the sex and we decided not to find out.
We had a funeral service on 23rd jan and buried the ashes in the babies memorial garden at the hospital the following day.
I have never known such dispair as I have felt these last few weeks.
To start with I thought someone was playing a joke, or I was in a nightmare. I couldn`t believe it had happened.
I then did to start to feel a bit better, but then went down hill again.
however, over the last week or so i have tried to pull myself together a bit. DH is not re i we should TTC again, but said we can`t discuss properly until
I am able to talk without crying.
Things have improved slightly. I do shed a little tear still most days and i am always thinking about my little angels.
Everybody says it and it is true, time is a great healer and everything happens for a reason. I know this to be true, but in the early days is so difficult to understand.
We will never be the same again, but hopefully we can move on, and God willing, will get our little rainbows.