Me again......

[Moulder86]

Ok so until recently I didn't think about it, as far as I'm concerned (or was) my baby should have his daddy's surname, we should choose his name together you know as it should be.

Only thing is now he's seeing someone else I'm having different thoughts and need some advice....I don't know what to do about his name expecially his surname? If I give him his dads what does that mean?? What's going to happen when it comes to daddy having him (if he changes his ways, doesn't currently only has his 4yr old for a few hours a couple days a week)? What about his first name, I can't decide on it on my own it's a big responsibility.

Any advice ladies?

xx

 

[lauren-kate]

Me and Ryan's dad went with both of our surnames so it's double-barrelled (mine-his, just because it sounds very weird the other way around). We decided on his first name together and it was the only one we could agree on. I really really liked the name Ethan and was pretty set on it, but decided I could compromise so we had one we both really liked. Good luck on choosing names x

 

[Moulder86]

Moulder-Flynn sounds odd to me, we've agreed on his middle name Jon (his dad's name, his middle name and my dad's middle name) he likes Max which I think it cute but his ex before me likes it too I'm too scared to know if he's spoken to the current one about it.

I like Riley, Brennan and Christian and others but he doesn't like any of them.

xx

 

[Younglutonmum]

Ok so until recently I didn't think about it, as far as I'm concerned (or was) my baby should have his daddy's surname, we should choose his name together you know as it should be.

Only thing is now he's seeing someone else I'm having different thoughts and need some advice....I don't know what to do about his name expecially his surname? If I give him his dads what does that mean?? What's going to happen when it comes to daddy having him (if he changes his ways, doesn't currently only has his 4yr old for a few hours a couple days a week)? What about his first name, I can't decide on it on my own it's a big responsibility.

Any advice ladies?

xx

I've chosen to have my baby take on my surname. As far as im concerned ive come through this pregnancy with no financial or emotional support from her daddy so why should she take his surname? But obviously it does depend on your circumstances. If he's been supportive & you believe he's going to be a good dad then by all means go for it but I woulddn't do it just because you may think it's the 'right' thing. Its the 21st century you know lol!!

As for the first name, once again if your on good terms & he's playing an active role then let him have his input. My ex has been useless so i've choosen my babys name without him & yes he hates it lol!!

xxx

 

[~ Vicky ~]

I've chosen my baby's names myself. Ex-OH has been given a zillion chances to get involved so as far as i'm concerned matters like that are out of his hands. The name i've chosen for a boy if thats what bubs turns out to be happens to be one I know he loves but that didn't sway my decision its just coincidental.

As for surnames, even though I don't need to be considering circumstances, i'm giving our baby both our surnames so he/she will be double barreled (my surname then his).

 

[Younglutonmum]

Is anyone not even having the father named on the birth certificate??

I'm not & so many people have said that's wrong but I really don't want him on there!!

 

[~ Vicky ~]

I will be. He doesn't deserve to be but if I want any sort of matinence money off him then he has to be named.

 

[Younglutonmum]

I will be. He doesn't deserve to be but if I want any sort of matinence money off him then he has to be named.

Yeh know what you mean but for me I dont care if I dont get maintanance. I feel that stronglY!! I dont want him to have parental responsibility which is what will happen if he's named on the birth certificate

 

[Moulder86]

Again name on the birth certificate probably but only because it's the way I fel it should be. I know it's the 21st Century but at the same time I kinda feel it the way it should be, traditional I suppose or something like that.

 

[~ Vicky ~]

See, even if my ex is an asshole, he's still the Dad and the baby *is* going to want to know him, even at some stage. One thing I know i'm not going to do is badmouth Gav infront of my child. They themselves can work out what an asshole he really is and they can't use it against me in the future should we ever argue or anything. Gav won't be able to use it against me either by claiming i've turned his child against him.

In a perfect world he'd have nothing to do with LO at all, but its not a perfect world. I'm not ashamed to admit i'm going to need some financial help off him. I wish I didn't need to, but I can't afford to hold down my flat and feed both myself and my baby everyday. I would starve if I needed to, but I don't want to starve and he needs to take some responsibility, even if it is a fiver a week.

 

[loulou83]

Are you in the UK? If so you need to think about the legal issues first. Legally if you put the Dad's name on the birth certificate they get parental responsibility also (which is a legal thing) so he could get joint custody and the exact same rights as you etc which is not a good thing if he's an arse. Also in order to put his name on the birth certificate then he has to be present when you register the birth. They changed this a coupla years ago before the Dad didn't need to be there. Whether you can give your kid a different surname to your own when you register without Dad being there and his name on the ceritifcate I don't know.

If he isn't on the birth certificate then he would have to apply to the courts for a Parental Responsiblity Order which would likely only be grantd if he'd shown an active interest in the child first... he wouldn't just get it for being a sperm donor.

Personally I wouldn't dream of putting my kid in her Dad's name since I'm not with him anymore but that's just my own preference.

Consider what you do wisely because once it's done it can't be undone.

 

[loulou83]

Again name on the birth certificate probably but only because it's the way I fel it should be. I know it's the 21st Century but at the same time I kinda feel it the way it should be, traditional I suppose or something like that.

Honestly I'd wait and see how he is before you put his name on there for legal issues. You can ammend the certificate anytime you like but you can't take him name off there. Be smart about it and think about yourself and not what others may think or tradition says imho.

 

[Younglutonmum]

Honestly I'd wait and see how he is before you put his name on there for legal issues. You can ammend the certificate anytime you like but you can't take him name off there. Be smart about it and think about yourself and not what others may think or tradition says imho.

You've actually said everything thats on my mind Loulou lol!! Once that sperm donar is on the birth certificate you cannot remove him without his permission & lets face it hardly any sperm doners would grant that!!

My ex has been such an ass & I sure as hell don't want him on there. However things may change once my little girl has been norn & if in a few years he has been a great dad, seen her regulary then I will consider officially naming him as her dad but for now NO WAY!!

Also, you never know whats round the corner do you?? I might meet someone fantastic who takes on the baby as his. It does happen. Then id possibly want him on the birth certificate. So my sperm doner is defo off for the mean time lol

 

[Freya]

See, even if my ex is an asshole, he's still the Dad and the baby *is* going to want to know him, even at some stage. One thing I know i'm not going to do is badmouth Gav infront of my child. They themselves can work out what an asshole he really is and they can't use it against me in the future should we ever argue or anything. Gav won't be able to use it against me either by claiming i've turned his child against him.

In a perfect world he'd have nothing to do with LO at all, but its not a perfect world. I'm not ashamed to admit i'm going to need some financial help off him. I wish I didn't need to, but I can't afford to hold down my flat and feed both myself and my baby everyday. I would starve if I needed to, but I don't want to starve and he needs to take some responsibility, even if it is a fiver a week.

Really admire your strength!!! It's so hard to overcome our own feelings when not with bub's dad, but you're putting your child and their feelings 1st and I think your child will thank you for it one day!!! Especially because an ex may be an arse and crap partner/husband, but the child will not see those faults and love him completely as a father and NOT want to hear mum telling negative storied about him (even if they are true!!) Really great to see this attitude. Hope things go as smooth as they can for you.

JUst to stick my beaky in, I think a double barrelled name sounds good - maybe pop your surname Moulder at the end instead of in front??

xx

 

[~ Vicky ~]

Really admire your strength!!! It's so hard to overcome our own feelings when not with bub's dad, but you're putting your child and their feelings 1st and I think your child will thank you for it one day!!! Especially because an ex may be an arse and crap partner/husband, but the child will not see those faults and love him completely as a father and NOT want to hear mum telling negative storied about him (even if they are true!!) Really great to see this attitude. Hope things go as smooth as they can for you.

Thank you!! Its not an easy opinion to take but bubs is my 100% priority.

At the end of last year my parents split up and even at 21 I found it hard. The worst thing was having my parents slag each other off to me and bad mouthing the other. Even though at a young age bubs won't understand why me and their Dad are slagging each other off, it'll still hurt and confuse them. I don't want that. The baby deserves to have parents who put them first.

 

[Younglutonmum]

I totally agree with your comments Vicky & Freya. I certainly don't ever intend to slag my ex off in front of my LO but I still will not put his name on birth certificate & when Anais is older I will be completley honest about why that is without slating him

 

[~ Vicky ~]

Sounds like a good way to do it hun

Its all a matter of personal preference and what suits you and what you think will be better for your LO! x

 

[Younglutonmum]

Yeh totally agree hun!

Think everyone is different & every circumstance is different!

I really admire the way you've handled evrything & put your feelings to one side & put bubs 1st!!

Your ex doesnt realise what he's missing!!

: hugs :

 

[~ Vicky ~]

Thank you. Its hard, very hard but I just have to remember i'll be the one able to cuddle our baby at night, i'll be the one they turn to when they cry or hurt themselves, and i'll be the one they look up to. You can't put a price on that.

As for my ex.. I miss him, I still love him like a lot despite what he's done to me but I know i'm better off out the situation. He's cheated before we got together, he cheated on me when we were engaged and pregnant and i'm fairly positive he's cheated on his girlfriend of 3 months already. He'll do it again. I deserve better, so its him missing out in the long run.

 

[Younglutonmum]

Yeh, thats exactly what I tell myself. His loss not mine!!

My ex left quite early on in my pregnancy & at the time I was devestated, couldn't sleep or eat. All I thought of was him! Now im 29 weeks & so happy & my feelings towards him have changed totally. Im a hell of alot stronger than I was & now I just pity him!!

In all honesty Vicky, by the time you reach 3rd Trimester it wouldnt surprise me if your the same. You'll wonder why u missed the cheating s**t lol

xxxx