Distraction- right choice?

[twinklestar25]

Still going back and forth & it’s exhausting. One month decide to go for it, trying for girl timing even tho be happy with either so stop a few days before ov, edging closer each time. Got to 4 days before last time, then panicked and chucked all folic acid ov tests etc away & said I never want to see another preg test again! Was ok the next month pushing it to the back of my mind but then the following month it’s back again . So I end up buying more ov tests folic acid etc and so the cycle continues!
I’m so fed up with it, one minuet I think yes let’s do it we will work around the technicality’s then I have too much time to think and decide against it. A 3rd would mean so many changes, we have lovely holidays, we would have to majorly downgrade or go in term time which prob wouldnt be an option for much longer wen eldest starts high school in a couple of yrs. we would prob have to move house eventually. More nursery fees, more holiday club fees and the other usual costs.
So then feel guilty on the kids aswell as wondering how we would do it.
I just can’t seem to get past it, then I always feel ovulation which is hard as I know Its a chance to go for it.
Then I’m not sure I even want to go through the sleepless nights, tantrums, food throwing etc again, which I’m sue no one really looks forward too!
Guess I want to get to do it all again but it’s so easy to forget how difficult it can be. Why can’t I just say no (due to all the above reasons) and let it go.

So what I tend to do it try to focus on other stuff, I have to have something to work towards and I think I’m struggling with nothing big to plan/aim/prepare for. I do love my holidays so spend quite a bit of time planning those, thinking about Lapland this yr or next yr, that’s a biggy and a bucket list item so that’s great to work towards.
But the baby thing has even overtaken that the last few days, and I know if we had a baby we wouldn’t be able go Lapland for a fair few yrs and then older ones won’t believe anymore. Sure would still be amazing but would love to take them whilst they believe.

It just dosnt seem rational, I know what a bad idea it is but I’m still fighting the urge almost every month. It’s almost like I feel the need to do it my body is waiting and tempting me each month. But my mind says no! (Well some of the time!)

I’ve bypassed timeframes I set, the age gap is bigger I’m getting older, by now I thought it would of passed but it hasn’t!

I don’t know how to move on happily. And I’m currently missreble verging on depressed and I’m not exaggerating. I’ve felt really down the last 2 days, people have even noticed .
I can’t go on like this but if I have another I can’t know that that will go well either plus all the other stuff that’s against.

If it didn’t mean so much extra cost, holidays so much more expensive & needing more house space then I’d do it without another thought .

 

[Jessica60]

I am exactly the same. Why do we have the urge to have more children???

 

[Wishing_well]

Totally the same but it would be #5 for me. I’ve tried to distract myself with looking at houses - found the perfect one for us (plus room for one more!) but it’s not helping. Hubby is done

 

[twinklestar25]

I’m feeling ok again now, I looked how much holidays would be for a family of 5 to the places we go & that brought me back to reality. I don’t want to give up our holidays. This is after buying more ov tests & folic acid tho after been sure we will go for it at ov this month! I’d love too but I just can’t cross that line, wish I just didn’t keep coming back to it though.
I think it’s because I want too but also don’t want everything to change as much as it would. I know not having another is the right decision but it doesn’t stop me wanting it, it’s hard fighting it when it comes. There’s been so many close calls, I’m surprised it hasn’t already happened. But I’ve always been mostly relived wen period comes even if a tiny bit sad.
I guess I go thorough it every so often trying to think of a way around It, to make it work but keep coming back to the same outcome- the only way it would Happen would be to downgrade hols, have less money, more Nursery costs, less time etc unfortunately there’s no way around that & it’s not just me it would effect.
I was feeling really down about it the last few days- I think because I’d planed to go ahead but knew the changes required eventually if not at first & felt bad about that, still wrecking my brain trying to work it out so that we can have another but not miss out too much, but getting nowhere & that made me sad.

It’s not like going for the 2nd, you can still get in 1 room on holidays, a 3 bed house is fine, mangable to get 2 lots of clothes/uniform/ice creams/school activity’s/ birthdays etc etc, 1 parent to each child, it just makes sense, 3 is stretching it a lot.
I think once you go to 3 though it could be easy to go for 4 as you’re,already dealing with all that, already need 2 rooms for holiday etc so another prob wouldn’t make much diff but from 2-3 seems huge, especially when the kids are getting older (8&5) and we have built a lifestyle, it would be unfair for them to not have as many opportunities.
Saying that, they would be happy with a caravan holiday but an all inclusive abroad holiday is a holiday for us too & i think we need that, well i deffo do!

I feel happier again with the decision but it’s so hard when it comes up again every month for a few days. Wish it wouldn’t keep coming back.