Ella_Hopeful
Mom to 5 inc. b/g twins. RPL sufferer.
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2011
- Messages
- 922
- Reaction score
- 0
I decided it's about time I write up my story.
About a month ago, I had a perfect 14 week scan that showed a perfect baby, we saw its fingers and toes and its beautiful profile - the technician even commented as to how good of a view we got, and printed off an amazing picture for us.
I usually start feeling movement at 15 weeks exactly - very definite movement that even other people can feel if they put their hand low down on my stomach.
This time - 15 weeks came and went - I kept telling myself maybe my placenta is in a different place, or my uterus is positioned differently to with previous pregnancies, and I'm sure there is a good reason. I was busy with my other kids, who I am very thankful for, and didn't have much time to relax. Then, at 16 weeks, we went as a family to stay with my husband's parents for a few days, as a vacation. It was the first time I could just take a nap or relax - and when I did that, I realized I really, really couldn't feel any movement at all. I got more and more panicked as our stay went on.
At just over 16 weeks, after we came home from our trip, in the evening - I told my husband I just couldn't manage one more day not knowing what was going on - and I was sure it must be bad. I called an ultrasound technician who does home visits and she said she could be there in 1.5 hours. When she arrived, I told her the story - how I usually feel movement, and I was starting to worry too much.
She started doing the scan - and anyone who has been through a missed miscarriage will know - the silence told me the answer I was dreading - my baby no longer had a heartbeat. The technician was very supportive, and also amazed that I could tell so early that something was wrong based on lack of movement. My husband was in disbelief - he was sure the scan would be just for reassurance. I've had previous losses and tend to worry a lot. In fact, this is my third loss this year.
The technician told us it was a little girl, and gave me a report to take to my doctor.
The next day, I couldn't face going to get seen, I just stayed home and cried all day. I couldn't believe how I had gone through 3 months of nausea and exhaustion, not being able to be a good mommy to my other kids, and now it was going to be over.
The following day, I went and got the beaurocracy done - I saw my doctor, got another scan to confirm the loss (that was hard) - I did a lot of crying in public. Then, I was sent straight to the hospital as the baby had already been gone a while, and I am rhesus negative. In the hospital, I had to go through admission at the ER, then the women's ER - by the time I got put on the gyn ward, it had been 8 hours of waiting, including three doctors visits, three nurses visits, and three scans. I was exhausted. In the ward, I was sharing a room with a woman who was 9 weeks pregnant and there after having a cyst removed. I was told I would deliver my baby in the room - I felt bad for the other woman that she would have to witness that.
After a few tests, they gave me two cytotec pills by mouth, and I got cramps and chills almost right away. After four hours I still only had mild pains, so they gave me another dose. Within two hours I had worsening cramps, and delivered the baby, in its sac. It looked perfect. The nurse called for the doctor, as the placenta wouldn't come out by itself. I lay there for a good 20 minutes with the baby just there on the bed in front of me, while I waited. They cut the cord, took the baby away, and I was wheeled down for a D&C.
6 hours post D & C, I returned home, and have basically cried every day since.
About a month ago, I had a perfect 14 week scan that showed a perfect baby, we saw its fingers and toes and its beautiful profile - the technician even commented as to how good of a view we got, and printed off an amazing picture for us.
I usually start feeling movement at 15 weeks exactly - very definite movement that even other people can feel if they put their hand low down on my stomach.
This time - 15 weeks came and went - I kept telling myself maybe my placenta is in a different place, or my uterus is positioned differently to with previous pregnancies, and I'm sure there is a good reason. I was busy with my other kids, who I am very thankful for, and didn't have much time to relax. Then, at 16 weeks, we went as a family to stay with my husband's parents for a few days, as a vacation. It was the first time I could just take a nap or relax - and when I did that, I realized I really, really couldn't feel any movement at all. I got more and more panicked as our stay went on.
At just over 16 weeks, after we came home from our trip, in the evening - I told my husband I just couldn't manage one more day not knowing what was going on - and I was sure it must be bad. I called an ultrasound technician who does home visits and she said she could be there in 1.5 hours. When she arrived, I told her the story - how I usually feel movement, and I was starting to worry too much.
She started doing the scan - and anyone who has been through a missed miscarriage will know - the silence told me the answer I was dreading - my baby no longer had a heartbeat. The technician was very supportive, and also amazed that I could tell so early that something was wrong based on lack of movement. My husband was in disbelief - he was sure the scan would be just for reassurance. I've had previous losses and tend to worry a lot. In fact, this is my third loss this year.
The technician told us it was a little girl, and gave me a report to take to my doctor.
The next day, I couldn't face going to get seen, I just stayed home and cried all day. I couldn't believe how I had gone through 3 months of nausea and exhaustion, not being able to be a good mommy to my other kids, and now it was going to be over.
The following day, I went and got the beaurocracy done - I saw my doctor, got another scan to confirm the loss (that was hard) - I did a lot of crying in public. Then, I was sent straight to the hospital as the baby had already been gone a while, and I am rhesus negative. In the hospital, I had to go through admission at the ER, then the women's ER - by the time I got put on the gyn ward, it had been 8 hours of waiting, including three doctors visits, three nurses visits, and three scans. I was exhausted. In the ward, I was sharing a room with a woman who was 9 weeks pregnant and there after having a cyst removed. I was told I would deliver my baby in the room - I felt bad for the other woman that she would have to witness that.
After a few tests, they gave me two cytotec pills by mouth, and I got cramps and chills almost right away. After four hours I still only had mild pains, so they gave me another dose. Within two hours I had worsening cramps, and delivered the baby, in its sac. It looked perfect. The nurse called for the doctor, as the placenta wouldn't come out by itself. I lay there for a good 20 minutes with the baby just there on the bed in front of me, while I waited. They cut the cord, took the baby away, and I was wheeled down for a D&C.
6 hours post D & C, I returned home, and have basically cried every day since.
