millianaire
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- Nov 5, 2010
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A week ago today i lost my baby boy nathan.
i went into hospital with what i was told a kidney infection on saturday night, and came out on wednesday without a baby.... It all happened so fast , two days they werent worried about my pregnancy they didnt monitor nathan or scan me until they scanned my liver and baby at the same time and realised their was not enough fluid around him, he died 4 hours later..... 20+3 but stopped growing at 17weeks.
so many questions no answers real pain i gave birth i held him, i took photos, i christened him and blessed him, took prints i sang to him, i had him with us for the night. I done everything and the pain is still there, i gave him the best send off i could when i say i i mean we, my partner was there the whole time.
my partner wants to try again when we get the all clear i dont know if i can do labour again or anxiety of pregnancy this was our 1st naturally pregnancy after 5 miscarried clomid attempts.... im mentally and physically exhaused and running to thailand on saturday for three weeks to distract myself waiting for postmortem am i crazy?
please tell me this pain gets easier, my sister in law is a benefit bum and she is due in decemember how am i going to cope with a newborn as my partner wants her here for xmas?
someone please tell me how im suppose to feel and why im fine one minute and wanting to take my own life the next just to be with my baby boy again... why am i not crying all the time why am i shopping for clothes? i printed out all the photos yesterday as if it was another normal day... i want to speak to people about him and show him off but no one will every understand what my baby boy looks like in my eyes he would look like an alien to everyone else... he was so tiny but fully formed all fingers and toes
my life feels like its not worth living right now i want him back i want answers but i dont want answers because i know someoone somewhere has messed up i know i had an infection and they did not catch it or treat it but what do i do to prove it how can i fight doctors and hospitals for neglect so that no one else has to suffer through my pain... im so sorry for everyone elses losses im being so selfish i just want time to go back to when i was 17 weeks please can someone make that happen?
i went into hospital with what i was told a kidney infection on saturday night, and came out on wednesday without a baby.... It all happened so fast , two days they werent worried about my pregnancy they didnt monitor nathan or scan me until they scanned my liver and baby at the same time and realised their was not enough fluid around him, he died 4 hours later..... 20+3 but stopped growing at 17weeks.
so many questions no answers real pain i gave birth i held him, i took photos, i christened him and blessed him, took prints i sang to him, i had him with us for the night. I done everything and the pain is still there, i gave him the best send off i could when i say i i mean we, my partner was there the whole time.
my partner wants to try again when we get the all clear i dont know if i can do labour again or anxiety of pregnancy this was our 1st naturally pregnancy after 5 miscarried clomid attempts.... im mentally and physically exhaused and running to thailand on saturday for three weeks to distract myself waiting for postmortem am i crazy?
please tell me this pain gets easier, my sister in law is a benefit bum and she is due in decemember how am i going to cope with a newborn as my partner wants her here for xmas?
someone please tell me how im suppose to feel and why im fine one minute and wanting to take my own life the next just to be with my baby boy again... why am i not crying all the time why am i shopping for clothes? i printed out all the photos yesterday as if it was another normal day... i want to speak to people about him and show him off but no one will every understand what my baby boy looks like in my eyes he would look like an alien to everyone else... he was so tiny but fully formed all fingers and toes
my life feels like its not worth living right now i want him back i want answers but i dont want answers because i know someoone somewhere has messed up i know i had an infection and they did not catch it or treat it but what do i do to prove it how can i fight doctors and hospitals for neglect so that no one else has to suffer through my pain... im so sorry for everyone elses losses im being so selfish i just want time to go back to when i was 17 weeks please can someone make that happen?