All I seem to do is moan!! Rant about my OH

[Boomerslady]

I'm so sorry for always moaning ladies, I'm just fed up with my OH at the moment after Reading the thread about other peoples lovely OH it makes me realise how lovely some men can be!

I love my OH to bits, don't get me wrong but I think we are going through a bad patch! We lived together at his Mums for a good year or so, until we moved into our own flat 3 weeks ago. At his Mums (because I was working full time) and he can't find work, he did everything, he cooked me dinner, fetched me drinks etc etc.

Now we are in our own flat he seems to want to get revenge for me doing nothing for all that time. He occasionally does the washing up, and I think he's hoovered once and put 1 load of washing on. He moans like a child at having to do these small chores. He said yesterday he's finding it hard having a whole flat to keep clean, rather than one room, which is fair enough.

But yesterday I wanted to punch him! He had a dentist appointment and while he was gone I did the washing up, 2 loads of washing, hoovered and cleaned the bathroom. I hadn't sat down in hours, when he got home he walked in and said, oh I'm knackered I need to sit down (I was thinking your knackered??? Cheeky prick) and he goes and sits himself in front of the tv while I'm hoovering.

Also, this is kinda OT and he has apologised (after a row!) but i needed copies of his bank statements to prove to the council he has no money (he's not entitled to job seekers because I was on a high salary) He gave them to me & it said there was £40 in there. I questioned him on it, and he said oh yeah, it was a payment from the job centre, I took it out yesterday. I was fuming, I deal with all bills, food shopping etc etc (I'm in my overdraft as am waiting for my MA money). He said he was gonna keep the money for fags, as he hated asking me for money.

I went absolutely ape shit at him, I know he wants his own money, but why should he get £40 for stuff when I haven't spent a penny on myself in months. I don't wanna be made to feel like I can't trust him. I explained I needed all his money for rent/bills etc and if we had any spare he could buy fags.

Like I said he's apologised since but I was sooo angry, I know he hates me looking after the money, but he doesn't wanna do it, therefore what am I meant to do!?

Sorry this turned out to be a lot longer than I thought. Likebi said k think it's just a rough patch, but I'm finding it so hard adjusting to having my own place, keeping it clean, sorting out bills, council tax etc while it feels like he sits on his arse.

Sorry again for the rant, I'm sure things will get better (they better do) or I'll lose my mind!

 

[bloodbinds]

*hugs* Poor thing! Rant away, it usually helps, lol.

Men are so rubbish with things like that - they just don't think sometimes. My OH was the same with money, i had a job and would be out every day working, and he sat round the house all day doing nothing - he didn't even tidy up - and when his job seekers money came in, he spent it on fags and booze. No matter what i said or did it didn't make a difference, so at least your OH has apologised!

Chin up, when baby comes you won't even remember the arguements x

 

[Squidge]

Oh hunny, i SO know you feel

If i started, i'd be here all day so it's best i keep my mouth shut

Have some extra ones

 

[CharlieP]

I'm so sorry for always moaning ladies, I'm just fed up with my OH at the moment after Reading the thread about other peoples lovely OH it makes me realise how lovely some men can be!

I love my OH to bits, don't get me wrong but I think we are going through a bad patch! We lived together at his Mums for a good year or so, until we moved into our own flat 3 weeks ago. At his Mums (because I was working full time) and he can't find work, he did everything, he cooked me dinner, fetched me drinks etc etc.

Now we are in our own flat he seems to want to get revenge for me doing nothing for all that time. He occasionally does the washing up, and I think he's hoovered once and put 1 load of washing on. He moans like a child at having to do these small chores. He said yesterday he's finding it hard having a whole flat to keep clean, rather than one room, which is fair enough.

But yesterday I wanted to punch him! He had a dentist appointment and while he was gone I did the washing up, 2 loads of washing, hoovered and cleaned the bathroom. I hadn't sat down in hours, when he got home he walked in and said, oh I'm knackered I need to sit down (I was thinking your knackered??? Cheeky prick) and he goes and sits himself in front of the tv while I'm hoovering.

Also, this is kinda OT and he has apologised (after a row!) but i needed copies of his bank statements to prove to the council he has no money (he's not entitled to job seekers because I was on a high salary) He gave them to me & it said there was £40 in there. I questioned him on it, and he said oh yeah, it was a payment from the job centre, I took it out yesterday. I was fuming, I deal with all bills, food shopping etc etc (I'm in my overdraft as am waiting for my MA money). He said he was gonna keep the money for fags, as he hated asking me for money.

I went absolutely ape shit at him, I know he wants his own money, but why should he get £40 for stuff when I haven't spent a penny on myself in months. I don't wanna be made to feel like I can't trust him. I explained I needed all his money for rent/bills etc and if we had any spare he could buy fags.

Like I said he's apologised since but I was sooo angry, I know he hates me looking after the money, but he doesn't wanna do it, therefore what am I meant to do!?

Sorry this turned out to be a lot longer than I thought. Likebi said k think it's just a rough patch, but I'm finding it so hard adjusting to having my own place, keeping it clean, sorting out bills, council tax etc while it feels like he sits on his arse.

Sorry again for the rant, I'm sure things will get better (they better do) or I'll lose my mind!

What??? Sorry - but we have a 3 storey house and me and my OH manage!!! If I'm tired he does and never moans! Its not a good enough attitude from your OH - tell him to stop being such a pillock - people have to clean their flats/houses etc - its life!!!

I'm not surprised you are pissed off with him - hopefully your argument will wake him up a bit!

x

 

[Mrs Muffin]

I think you should show him this thread and show him the thread about the OH who cook and clean. Maybe give him a wakeup call.

 

[Boomerslady]

Lol thanks Charlie.

I just think because he's never had to clean before it's a shock to him!! He's been a lot better today, but he thinks doing the washing up twice a week is him sharing chores! I explained there was washing, hoovering, cleaning etc and his view is why do all that when it'll just get dirty again!!! Eejit man....altho now I'm in my own flat I want it to be clean and tidy all the time!!

 

[new mummy h]

bloody hell i get told off cos i wont sit down lol!! i wont let him clean everything cos he works overtime and i wudnt want him to come in and start cleaning even tho he sed its OK if i put my feet up and he'll do everything - thats not fair tho is it lol!

i hope he sees sense and starts looking after you, never mind fags xxxxxx

 

[redpoppy]

Yeah, I think its one of those things a lot of guys don't understand: Cooking and cleaning are not things that get magically done for you, its part of being a grown up, YOU HAVE to do them.

I say guys find it difficult but to be honest I still struggle with the concept. Surely I'm important enough to deserve a maid!!!!

And you have to do all those things EVERY day!!!! That's just life. You just need to talk to him and explain that. Also, if you spend an hour a day just doing all the crappy chores they'll be done and that's usually enough. Unless, like me you let the house get into the state it's in now.

As for the money thing... you're obviously TOTALLY in the right but I do feel for him. It's horrible relying on someone else for money especially when money's tight. Can he not get a crappy part time job somewhere till he finds something better? A couple friend of mine, the husband was working as a sales assistant in a men's clothing shop for over a year even though he's a qualified lawyer.

 

[Boomerslady]

Thanks red poppy, and yes you do deserve a maid!! We all do.

Your right tho it doesn't take long, he just needs a slap!! To be fair to him as well, I'll see something that needs doing, and want him to sort it (like taking out rubbish) but forget to ask, then I end up snapping at him for not doing it, even tho I never asked!!

In terms of jobs, he's never held anything down for longer than 6-8 months, and as his Mum didn't want rent or any money it was very easy for him to just quit a job and do nothing. Reality has kicked in now, and he wants to be a good Dad but as he's been out of work for nearly a year he can't even get a supermarket job. There's just nothing about at the moment.

Ah well, I'll just keep hoping he can get something soon!!

 

[redpoppy]

Thanks red poppy, and yes you do deserve a maid!! We all do.

Your right tho it doesn't take long, he just needs a slap!! To be fair to him as well, I'll see something that needs doing, and want him to sort it (like taking out rubbish) but forget to ask, then I end up snapping at him for not doing it, even tho I never asked!!

In terms of jobs, he's never held anything down for longer than 6-8 months, and as his Mum didn't want rent or any money it was very easy for him to just quit a job and do nothing. Reality has kicked in now, and he wants to be a good Dad but as he's been out of work for nearly a year he can't even get a supermarket job. There's just nothing about at the moment.

Ah well, I'll just keep hoping he can get something soon!!

Well it depends what he's willing to do. I understand a lot of people hold out for a better job but by the sounds of things you're not in a position to have the luxury of that choice. My OH may lose his job in a month or so (super great time to lose a job!!!) and we have savings to live on for a few months at least but if that wasn't the case we'd have to make allowances and just take anything. I know it's a recession hun but it depends what he's willing to do. As I said its up to him and I suppose a little you as you're a couple and a family soon. Considering most retail places take staff around September it seems like he may just have to lower his expectations if he wants to have his own money to spend.

Although now probably is the worst time as it's nearly Christmas. Having said that, if he's been out of work for that long, I just think he needs to be willing to take anything to tide you over?

Sorry if you think what I've said is out of order and I don't want to preach but considering how hard you've been working it seems unfair in my eyes. I hope he find something great in the new year! And on a happier note, the guy who was working in retail finally found a part time job in law although it pays LESS than his full time retail job did!!! but he obviously had to take it as he doesn't want to say goodbye to his CV.

 

[jaala]

Finances put a huge strain on relationships.. If you guys can get through a rough financial patch you can get through anything!
This summer both me and OH were looking for work, and I was waiting for my house to sell, since we'd moved(and him across the province to be with me) and when the bank ran dry our tempers ran high! It was really stressful.. never want to experience that again.

 

[Boomerslady]

Of course not out of order

The problem is he has no expectations. The only place he refuses to apply for is macdonalds/kfc etc as he's a big guy, and very self concious about it, so working there with lil s*it's calling him names would be enough to break him. I have to think of his sanity.

BUT he's applied for cleaning jobs, supermarkets, any local shop, warehouse work you name it he's applied. There's just NOTHING the problem is as you said, people are taking a step down. If a shop has a choice between say a graduate and someone who hasn't worked in a year, who would they choose? He just needs one lucky break so he can prove himself. Hopefully soon!

 

[Buffy71]

Ello - Sorry if this is a bit out of order, but I have to say I think you are far too lenient on him and you (I'm not just referring to this post) make allowances and excuses for him all the time.

He's a bloody grown up. He needs to get off his bloody arse and do ANY job to get some money in for his pregnant missus and his child on the way. Stand up and be a man in other words. Sweety I know you love him, but I can see whats going to happen and your'e going to end up going back to work fulltime and he'll be a stay at home dad, wafting around, not doing the bloody housework, and you'll be run ragged doing everything when you get home from work. Give him a size 10 (better still size 16 boot!) up the butt. He needs it.

Or if you like I'm a bit feisty today - I'll come and do it for you!!!!!!!

He's taking the piss. Yes fine he wants his own money. Fine - he needs to earn it then, not take your's (because as you were the earner - even if he was getting some sort of benefits it was your's as you were the one saving up for the deposit on the flat, baby stuff, etc etc).

Grr.

Sorry honey but I'm so cross for you. He's clearly got stuck in a bit of a rut and lost his confidence, but he's not going to get it back sitting around at home and relying on you to do everything. You were even the one who had to get the flat sorted (while working....) because he didnt want to get involved and didnt know what to do.

You're making a rod for your own back my lovely lady. Please give him a kick before his lethargy kills off your respect for him.

I'm really sorry if you think I'm a bolshy old cow.

 

[CharlieP]

Boomer - has he signed up with agencies for temp work? Anything is better than nothing - even if its a couple of dsays here and there (it'll keep him in fags if nothing else!!)

 

[Boomerslady]

Thanks ladies I know your right! I will give him a kick up the arse. Haha buffy it's weird you said size 10 boot (I have size 10 feet haha!)

I do make excuses for him, I can't deny that, I'm sure we'll get there.

Yeah he's with agencies but has no experience so there's no work!

Thanks again

 

[redpoppy]

Of course not out of order

The problem is he has no expectations. The only place he refuses to apply for is macdonalds/kfc etc as he's a big guy, and very self concious about it, so working there with lil s*it's calling him names would be enough to break him. I have to think of his sanity.

BUT he's applied for cleaning jobs, supermarkets, any local shop, warehouse work you name it he's applied. There's just NOTHING the problem is as you said, people are taking a step down. If a shop has a choice between say a graduate and someone who hasn't worked in a year, who would they choose? He just needs one lucky break so he can prove himself. Hopefully soon!

Oh no! The size thing can become a major issue for some people, and strangely it tends to be guys which I always think is weird. I know a guy who hasn't worked in three years and doesn't go out socially EVER any more. He's the partner of one of my friends old friends. He refuses to go to weddings and all sorts. Sorry, getting carried away, but its about confidence and he has to realise that people are b*stards and that's just the way life is. All you can do is develop a thicker skin and a sense of humour about it all. It's no reflection on who you are!!!

At least he's applying!!! He and you have to make sure he doesn't spiral into a depressed state though! It sounds like a bad situation! If he's sitting as home can he not volunteer somewhere? That can get your foot in the door and adds to your CV and I know jobseekers have issue with it but I know people who are doing it on the sly as they can't find a job! It makes no sense Jobseekers having issue with it, as it just shows people are willing to work! I have at least three things on my CV which are not paid but the next person who reads my CV doesn't know that.

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

He sounds lazy tbh. He quit jobs because he could get away with sitting on his arse and now he finds keeping a flat tidy "hard"? I'm pretty sure it's easier than having any of these cleaning jobs he's been applying for.

Also, I don't think it's easy for anyone at the minute. Shops don't want graduates because they don't expect them to stay in minimum wage jobs. If I were you I'd start lying on the CV. Pick a bar that closed down and say he worked there. When OH was first looking for a job when he was at uni, he was 23 and hadn't done a job in his whole life... we made up his CV, said he'd been self employed and ran a small computer repair business and that he'd worked behind the bar (and sometimes in the kitchen) of some place that burned down years previously. He walked into a chef job, they trained him up and he's had no problems moving from job to job ever since.

Just get creative and fill the gap in employment.

 

[Buffy71]

Sort of agree with Femme (although I couldnt bring myself to do it!!).

Lets just say the temp I'm training at the moment to fill my job while I'm off clearly had no issues with being creative on her cv!!!

Grrr.

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

Aaahaha, oh dear. Ah well, sometimes you've got to do what you need to, to get anywhere. Sometimes, all you need is for somebody to give you an opportunity and in the current climate... people aren't big on risks. So if you can make him seem as safe a bet as possible... you might get lucky.

 

[BBonBoard]

I'm sorry your having such a rough time with your OH right now, he sounds like a typical male.