Genealogy support

[mom2pne]

I have been on Ancestry for several years and I finally have come to the realization that the man who I lived with from 8-18 is not my biological father. Recently I have been contacted by a third cousin who has been trying to piece together his family’s lineage and where I come into his family. He has been able to find out that my paternal grandfather is his great uncle or something like that. His grandma told him that her mom’s brother had a secret woman and family in another city from where his first family lived and would go back and forth.

This information has made me look at my nephew’s shared matches. He is my brother’s son. If I had the same father as my brother than we would share matches from both my mom and my father but all that showed up was Parent 1’s side which is my mom. Parent 2’s side which is my dad’s is not even listed.

I wish they would have had paternity DNA tests back when I was born almost 50 years ago because maybe then I wouldn’t have lived with abusers. But that is another story for another time.

I just want to ask is there anyone who has had this happen? What can I do moving forward? How do I find out for sure who my dad is?

Thank you for reading this far!

 

[MrsKatie]

Oh wow this is heavy and traumatic. I am so, so sorry you were abused as a child, makes me physically sick and totally outraged. I hope you find answers and peace. Sending huge hugs.

 

[mom2pne]

Oh wow this is heavy and traumatic. I am so, so sorry you were abused as a child, makes me physically sick and totally outraged. I hope you find answers and peace. Sending huge hugs.

Thank you! I have overcome that for the most part. I have stayed away from my abusers and have stopped having nightmares about it. I just don’t know how to find out who my father is. I can’t ask my mom as she passed away in 2009 and all her siblings have passed as well. I didn’t see my mom often as she wasn’t always mentally stable to have us children visit her.

 

[DobbyForever]

I’m sorry about any abuse you endured.

I will caution on the accuracy of the relationship. My biology teacher once made a comment about how genetics/what gets passed down from parents isn’t always an exact 50/50. Insert a bunch of science I didn’t understand then and certainly don’t now. But I will say my brother, shared mom different dad, did not come back as a possible sibling. He came back as a 1-2nd cousin. I’m fact, my first cousin on my mom’s side was considered to be a closer match than him. So take it with a grain of salt when comparing any relationships to your nephew especially if your brother/his dad didn’t have the same dad as you.

As far as where to go, you can talk to the family and see who is willing to spill beans or connect you. I’d start with the paper trail. Who was listed on your birth certificate? Who was “dad” from 0-8? Look through old boxes and see if anything pops up in old yearbooks or photos or letters.

Wishing you all the best

ETA also proceed with caution. To quote, “You”, damage seeks damage. The father/family you may be searching out may not be pretty. My son’s dad is on 23 and Me. We did ours at the same time. I don’t know who else in his family did it. But he’s an abusive psychopath (enjoys hurting people) narcissist. His mom is an enabling racist. His brother is worse than him. They’re all manipulative liars. It’s part of why I kept all of the photos and documents, so as my son is naturally curious I can give him answers that, frankly, satisfy his curiosity because curiosity will kill the cat