- Joined
- Apr 23, 2017
- Messages
- 387
- Reaction score
- 290
Trigger warning: Miscarriages and Ectopic.
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Our journey began over four years ago. At first we took our TTC journey with a huge pinch of salt and it’s fair to say we were not actively trying for around a year.
We began trying, we didn’t just track ovulation tests, we used multiple brands of ovulation tests, I tracked symptoms, CM and charted my BBT. Each month BBT would confirm ovulation and then drop around 10-11DPO for AF.
Fast forward to November 2020. We gave up, we admitted defeat. 13th December we got an early Christmas present - our long awaited for BFP! Sadly, just 16 hours later I started bleeding. I went to the toilet at 3am and started sobbing and repeated “oh no, oh no, please god no!” My fiancé woke up and checked on me and we grieved our loss together.
We then began to TTC again, we came so close to our miracle that we could give up now. Finally, 1st February 2021 our prayers were answered again. The tests seemed to progress, I even had betas on 9th Feb (43) and the 11th (114) and it had more than doubled. Before I left the hospital on the 11th I went to the toilet and found a pin prick in size of blood. I’d just been prescribed progesterone so thought I could save the pregnancy. Unfortunately, progesterone only delayed the inevitable and on the 20th February we lost that miracle too.
Months went by and finally on the 23rd of October 2021 and we couldn’t believe it. We were pregnant again. This time the tests were not getting darker or progressing very quickly. On the 29th of October I had a very heavy 3 day bleed, including clots. I presumed it was a miscarriage until the bleeding finished; I never miscarry and bleed for only 3 days. Even my periods are 9-10 days in length.
After the bleed, my tests did seem a LOT darker than before but again; were not progressing every 48 hours. I went to the Early Pregnancy Unit (EPU) and told them what had happened. They ran my beta and it came back at just 26. The nurse said “we think we’re seeing the end of a miscarriage” and I still knew this was NOT a miscarriage. I went back 48 hours later for another beta and it was now just 31. It had raised just 5 in 48 hours.
I had a lot more betas and my doubling rate was every 4-5 days instead of 48 hours.
I thought positive, our baby IS sticking and there have been pregnancies where the beta hasn’t doubled as quickly as it should have.
I kept going back for weeks on end for betas and ultrasounds. Each week I was given the sternest of warnings that if I ever have shoulder tip pain or a pain in one of my sides to go back IMMEDIATELY.
Christmas was fast approaching and still we didn’t have any answers apart from “sub optimal rising betas” The week before Christmas I was offered Methotrexate to end the pregnancy; I declined. I wanted to give our baby the best possible chance.
Another appointment was set up for the 29th December. I called in on the 29th and said I couldn’t get there. I could; I just couldn’t bring myself to make that difficult decision - My life or the babies.
I went in a day later, 30th December. The world and their families still enjoying the festive period and we were stuck in EPU all day, waiting on more betas, another scan and then ultimately, being weighed, measured, medicine calculated and ending our much loved, tried for and wanted pregnancy. I have a phobia of hospitals anyway, I was sick, I was shaking and I was hyperventilating.
I asked them to prepare the injection in the corridor because I’m also scared of needles (despite being able to do the trigger shot myself!)
The doctor came in, at this point I was shaking uncontrollably. They were asking me random questions to try and take my mind off it but I was in such a blind panic I nearly passed out. As soon as the needle went into my bottom everything stopped. Everything faded away. I knew this was it. Our pregnancy was over and our baby was gone. I was reassured that tubal pregnancies grow much slower because they have restricted blood flow and that there was nothing anyone could have done.
I was 8 weeks 5 days pregnant and my beta was only 879. At this gestation it should of been between 32,000 - 150,000.
Fast forward to 10th November 2022 and again, we’ve finally been given the chance of another miracle. Tests are progressing as they should. I have a scan this Wednesday (30th) and we’re hoping and praying this pregnancy is in my uterus.
We’ve also prayed REALLY hard that we don’t lose a third baby, third December in a row.
Photo of the worst day of my entire life.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Our journey began over four years ago. At first we took our TTC journey with a huge pinch of salt and it’s fair to say we were not actively trying for around a year.
We began trying, we didn’t just track ovulation tests, we used multiple brands of ovulation tests, I tracked symptoms, CM and charted my BBT. Each month BBT would confirm ovulation and then drop around 10-11DPO for AF.
Fast forward to November 2020. We gave up, we admitted defeat. 13th December we got an early Christmas present - our long awaited for BFP! Sadly, just 16 hours later I started bleeding. I went to the toilet at 3am and started sobbing and repeated “oh no, oh no, please god no!” My fiancé woke up and checked on me and we grieved our loss together.
We then began to TTC again, we came so close to our miracle that we could give up now. Finally, 1st February 2021 our prayers were answered again. The tests seemed to progress, I even had betas on 9th Feb (43) and the 11th (114) and it had more than doubled. Before I left the hospital on the 11th I went to the toilet and found a pin prick in size of blood. I’d just been prescribed progesterone so thought I could save the pregnancy. Unfortunately, progesterone only delayed the inevitable and on the 20th February we lost that miracle too.
Months went by and finally on the 23rd of October 2021 and we couldn’t believe it. We were pregnant again. This time the tests were not getting darker or progressing very quickly. On the 29th of October I had a very heavy 3 day bleed, including clots. I presumed it was a miscarriage until the bleeding finished; I never miscarry and bleed for only 3 days. Even my periods are 9-10 days in length.
After the bleed, my tests did seem a LOT darker than before but again; were not progressing every 48 hours. I went to the Early Pregnancy Unit (EPU) and told them what had happened. They ran my beta and it came back at just 26. The nurse said “we think we’re seeing the end of a miscarriage” and I still knew this was NOT a miscarriage. I went back 48 hours later for another beta and it was now just 31. It had raised just 5 in 48 hours.
I had a lot more betas and my doubling rate was every 4-5 days instead of 48 hours.
I thought positive, our baby IS sticking and there have been pregnancies where the beta hasn’t doubled as quickly as it should have.
I kept going back for weeks on end for betas and ultrasounds. Each week I was given the sternest of warnings that if I ever have shoulder tip pain or a pain in one of my sides to go back IMMEDIATELY.
Christmas was fast approaching and still we didn’t have any answers apart from “sub optimal rising betas” The week before Christmas I was offered Methotrexate to end the pregnancy; I declined. I wanted to give our baby the best possible chance.
Another appointment was set up for the 29th December. I called in on the 29th and said I couldn’t get there. I could; I just couldn’t bring myself to make that difficult decision - My life or the babies.
I went in a day later, 30th December. The world and their families still enjoying the festive period and we were stuck in EPU all day, waiting on more betas, another scan and then ultimately, being weighed, measured, medicine calculated and ending our much loved, tried for and wanted pregnancy. I have a phobia of hospitals anyway, I was sick, I was shaking and I was hyperventilating.
I asked them to prepare the injection in the corridor because I’m also scared of needles (despite being able to do the trigger shot myself!)
The doctor came in, at this point I was shaking uncontrollably. They were asking me random questions to try and take my mind off it but I was in such a blind panic I nearly passed out. As soon as the needle went into my bottom everything stopped. Everything faded away. I knew this was it. Our pregnancy was over and our baby was gone. I was reassured that tubal pregnancies grow much slower because they have restricted blood flow and that there was nothing anyone could have done.
I was 8 weeks 5 days pregnant and my beta was only 879. At this gestation it should of been between 32,000 - 150,000.
Fast forward to 10th November 2022 and again, we’ve finally been given the chance of another miracle. Tests are progressing as they should. I have a scan this Wednesday (30th) and we’re hoping and praying this pregnancy is in my uterus.
We’ve also prayed REALLY hard that we don’t lose a third baby, third December in a row.
Photo of the worst day of my entire life.
