General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

I’m officially insane
I want to give SO this book when I find out I’m pregnant, whenever that will be, but I realized I can’t give it to him if I don’t already have it when I find out I’m pregnant... so I bought it on Amazon just now

Hells bells busy yay report card season but popping in quick to say Fluek hope you had a great day back

Shae bahaha you will have to hide that from him lol

Dobby it went pretty well except I left my phone at home. Otherwise not too bad. I had 1562 emails to go through........... got less than 5 hours sleep and it was broken up.

DH turned his notice in today. So, that's good that I won't have to keep this up all month. Alrught pump and then bed

Dobs good luck with report card season!

Flueks I’m so glad he turned in his notice! And yeah, I’m definitely not putting that in plain sight. I’ll be 11dpo on Sunday the 14th and I sometimes stay until Monday so I’d be 12dpo, and I wonder if I should bring it home with me that weekend juuuust in case I get a bfp so I would be able to give it to him right away I have zero chill, my brain does not understand the concept of chilling tf out. Like the chances of me getting pregnant are only 6%, that’s very low, I need to sit my ass down and stop obsessing. Buuuut I won’t, I’m totally praying to get pregnant cuz I ovulated today (technically yesterday cuz it’s 2 am, I’m at clinical rn) and I’ve been praying since my positive OPK I found this old binder I made years ago with info about pregnancy and stuff and it said during the TWW to “appeal to the committee inside you” so yeah I was like “hey ovum, hopefully you’re nice and mature, if there’s a living healthy sperm in there, FIND IT.”

I definitely need therapy

ICK FACTOR WARNING: Mentions of poop

In another episode of “Shae needs therapy”, I’m pretty sure I’m 1dpo today (just got back from a night shift so I’ll have to get some sleep to temp and hopefully confirm) and at clinical I was helping change a brief (basically an adult diaper) and while I obviously don’t like poop smells, they normally don’t make me feel sick... I’d been feeling a little nauseous already, maybe from too much liquid and not enough food (although I did eat) or too much caffeine, idk, but with this one specific guy when we took off his brief and went to clean him up, I legit thought I was going to vomit from the smell. The LNA who was with me was confused cuz that guy doesn’t have smelly poops apparently, so idky that specific smell made me feel sick, I swear it was different from regular poop smell... we changed several poops from this other guy throughout the shift and they smelled bad but I didn’t feel like I was going to throw up. It was weird. My food and drinks didn’t bother me at all. Idk. It was probably a fluke, especially since symptoms at 1dpo are basically impossible.

TLDR: a smell that shouldn’t have bothered me made me feel like I was legit going to throw up, not sure why, probably means nothing but I’m latching onto it anyway cuz symptom spotting. No other smells or tastes gave me a reaction.

Glad the day went well minus the phone mishap. Yay for hubs putting in notice! Hopefully things improve quickly thereafter.

shae only cuz I adore you am I about to mom you hard. You need to have a frank conversation with SO about where you stand on an accident and how you’re feeling. Because honestly, him not knowing makes his consent less valid. Maybe he truly doesn’t care, but if he knows you actively want an accident then he might want to step up on his end and that’s not (morally) your choice to make for him. Like yes end of day any sex can cause pregnancy so he should know the risks going in so that’s on him, and I know you’re not actively being careless or anything of that nature. But still. I think you’ve reached a point where he deserves to know how you really feel and that you have baby fever/hoping to be pregnant each cycle.

Dobs I hear you. He knows I have baby fever and that at least part of me hopes to get pregnant each cycle. I also think that I’m hanging on to a sliver of hope, and that the actual chances of me getting pregnant are very slim. But I’ve straight up told him that if he was like “it’s okay you don’t have to use the diaphragm” I’d be without it in a heartbeat, and I only use it because obviously he’s not consenting to going without any protection. He knows I’m so baby crazy that the only line I will not cross is active sabotage (which I would never ever do). He’s known I’m on BnB for years lol, he calls it “babybump”. He’s made it clear that obviously active sabotage will result in end of relationship (I think that’s fair), but other than that as long as I’m using the diaphragm correctly he doesn’t care that I have that sliver of hope that I latch onto.

So I talked to SO just to confirm that he’s perfectly aware that I want to get pregnant and hope to get pregnant accidentally even though I’d never sabotage our prevention methods, and he says yes, he’s 100% aware, it’s not news to him lol. I figured as much but I wanted to make extra sure since Dobs brought it up.

I feel like Dobs is gonna mom me hard for this one

I’m not 100% sure if I O’d on the 3rd or 4th cuz I slept all day on the 4th and woke up a few times, the first time around 11 am my temp was pre-O level, the second around 2-3 pm it was borderline, the third around 5 pm it was post-O temp (not by much but above previous cover lines), and I charted that 5 pm temp. My OPKs were positive on the 2nd and neg on the 3rd. Soooo my bc app said I’m no longer fertile starting 3/5 and I was a little concerned since I thought maybe I actually O’d 3/4 but I was like “it was post-O temps by 5 so I’ll make sure not to have unprotected sex until 24 hours after that cuz I was pretty sure the egg only lives 12-24 hours. I thought to myself “maybe you should Google that just to be safe” but I was like “nah I’m sure it’s fine” So we BD’d without the diaphragm last night (technically 3/6 cuz it was 1 am but I just charted it as 3/5 PM cuz it was before bed, whatevs. And then I stress googled after to double check the 12-24 hour rule, and turns out they’ve seen eggs live 48 hours, not just 24. So now I’m like f*ck, if I get pregnant from this it’s kinda my fault. I should’ve googled it beforehand and not just trusted the app, but I did trust the app and so did SO. And now I’m thinking maybe I didn’t Google it before the BD because if the answer was longer than 12-24 and I knew, I’d have to use the diaphragm, but if I didn’t know, I wouldn’t. Which is obviously sketchy af. I had always heard 12-24 and the app said I was safe so it’s not like it would be 100% my fault but I feel like I would be partially responsible (beyond just the “it takes two to tango” thing). There’s also no way to know if I do get pregnant whether it was from the diaphragm BD at O-3/4 or the post-O BD. So yeah now I’m very conflicted because I’m like “decent chance it wasn’t even within 48 hours” but also “omg what if it was and I get a baby *excitement*” but also “omg we’re not ready what if I f*cked up and I’m pregnant”.

So yeah, I’m now a bit stressed and it’s super unlikely still but aggggggh.

I think you mom-ed yourself enough. I’m glad that you talked to him. End of day, I’m just an outsider looking in with limited information and maybe I misread or mis-inferred some of your posts. I can give you my psychoanalysis of this latest incident, but it’ll be blunt. And I think deep down you already know what I would say because you kind of alluded to it in your own analysis. What I will say is that I hope things work out in the best way possible for you both. I know you will one day get to be a mother, but the journey to motherhood should be equally magically and cherished. I don’t have any regrets because I love my son, but I know I feel cheated out of that part of the journey and it sucks. So I just want you two to have what I didn’t get to have.

I talked to SO this morning about it and he was like “mmmm.... you’re fine, the studies that showed 48 hours were done on in vitro situations, it’s probably different” like uh okay you dont know that 100% but sure we can go with that he wasn’t mad though

Yes it's sooo much nicer to let them know you are pregnant when you were both trying than when you have a surprise pregnancy.

E is going through leap 4/4month sleep regression. It's awful. She reversed from sleeping long stretches. She's waking up like a dang newborn, every 1 to 3 hours.......I'm hoping she does better tonight cause I'm exhausted.

Today is S's 2nd birthday. I made a cookie cake and tried decorating with some icing.....It's definitely not professional looking but it doesn't look like it 5 year old did it lol

Lol Shae idk how to respond cuz I feel like your wants right now are very Schrödinger’s cat haha. So I’ll just stick with hope it all works out

Fluek so sorry about the sleep regression. Those are so hard. FXed for a solid night tonight. And I bet the cake is amazing! She’s very lucky to have such an awesome mom! Happy Birthday!

Flueks I’m sorry about the sleep regression, I hope she starts STTN for you soon or at least for longer stretches. I’m glad the cake came out well!

Dobs that’s a decent way to describe it I’m very conflicted here and either way I will have both positive and negative emotions.
Warning: getting religious here.
I’m trying to be of the mentality rn that what will be will be, what God wants to happen will happen. If he says no, okay, definitely disappointed but also relieved. If he says yes, I’ll be simultaneously terrified and ecstatic. I read something I liked yesterday that said “you might think you have messed up God’s plan for your life, but you are *not* that powerful”. That doesn’t mean I’d go unprotected at like O-2 and think “meh I’ll be fine cuz God doesn’t want me to be pregnant”. Idk what he wants, and I’m not gonna test him, the Bible specifically says “do not test the lord your God”. But if he wanted me pregnant, I’d be pregnant. Ultimately he is in control, even if that means I make dumb decisions, I truly believe that whatever happens will be part of his plan for me.

I called my best friend and told her the situation and she was like:
1) ma’am, stop doing dumb shit
2) you need to stop reading articles and over analyzing, you’re not gonna get pregnant, cuz I said so and I know so

Like damn a’ight

Her church has this prayer box and you put people’s names in it and specific prayers and everyone prays for the people in the box and in January she put me in the box that I wouldn’t get pregnant and you remove them from the box once it’s resolved and she refuses to remove me because in her words “it’s not resolved” she ain’t wrong but dang, using an entire church’s prayers against me, that’s rough

I told my little sister and she was like “I’m going to strangle you but also if you get pregnant you better do something cute to tell me, I want an auntie shirt, you should just buy one now”. Interesting child (I will forever call her a child lol).

I actually wrote this post like 12 hours ago and fell asleep and didn’t hit post and accidentally slept all day. I was meant to spend today doing homework so I am stresseddddd. Those dang overnight shifts are destroying my sleep schedule and energy.

Lol Shae your friend/sister are funny.

sorry about the overnights. That’s really hard and totally understandable that it’s mucking up your productivity.

I talked to SO a bit ago about if I got pregnant, how he’d want me to tell him in person, but not until I’ve taken two tests unless I was already home to tell him. So I asked him today if he’d be mad if I told my best friend right away because I process things by talking about them and he said yes cuz he wants to be the first to know. And I’m like... does that include BnB? like how tf would I survive without posting about it on here literally instantly? I mean, I don’t know you guys irl so many it doesn’t count? Aggghhh.

Shae bnb doesn't count lol!! Except for with V, I posted on bnb before DH knew. Lol

Bnb most def does not count lol. I put in the baby book that my fam was first to know, but come on lol. I was over here posting tests at like 6dpo the way I see it, you need expert opinions to confirm you’re pregnant. And since doctor’s tests tend to be less sensitive, running your tests by us is purely for diagnostic purposes *cough*

Nothing new here. Just drowning under report cards. A’s ABA therapist up and quit. I’m so unamused.

I texted SO last night asking if BnB counts lol, it was 1 am so he hasn’t responded yet. Honestly kinda regret asking cuz he might say no but if he found out later and was upset about it I’d feel bad. I was like “everyone in the group has posted their tests before telling the dad especially to get an opinion on if they’re just seeing things, they don’t know who I am or what my real name is so like all they know is a random internet stranger is pregnant” hoping that’ll make him say it’s fine but we’ll see.

Dobs I’m so sorry about the ABA therapist, that’s so crappy that you’ll have to find a new one. And sorry about report cards