Mission: get my belly back!

Ha you should see my living room.

I'm now 9 st 9.25 lb - almost a stone down. Definitely feeling and seeing a difference and enjoying it immensely. Unfortunately, though, the more weight I lose, the wrinklier my belly seems to become, especially around the top bit, which I suspected would happen as now there's less fat there to fill out the skin! It's like I have a big pancake of wrinkles and stretch marks on my front basically!

Could be so much worse though, and I've still got my next microneedling treatment to look forward to.

Here is a particularly unflattering photo that I took this morning.

Thanks. How does yours look now?

Eventually I'd like to build some muscle to help fill it out a bit, but only when I can be sure I'm not going to injure myself.

And if microneedling doesn't work, there's always plasma fibroblast treatment. Though I'd feel hideously vain going for that!!!

I'm 9 st 8.25, so almost a stone gone now. Unfortunately, however, I am back to feeling shit about my body! It was always like this though, even when I was near perfect (looking back at least - at the time I thought I was hideous!) - no matter how slim I am, I feel great for a bit, then go back to thinking I am bulky and weird-looking.

I am, however, enjoying seeing my cheekbones again as they are the only part of me I really like, I'm very lucky to have such high ones, and it's nice to know they are still there after all this time. Still a long way to go if I'm going to hit 9 st 2, though. Then I'll re-evaluate. Maybe I'll push for 8 st 8, which would be the lightest I've ever been as an adult, and 2 stone shed! Hmmmm.

Couldn't hold off any longer and microneedled myself again earlier. For some reason I seem to enjoy it and am going to have to be careful not to get addicted and damage myself. I'm weird about pain.

Here's a picture - red from needling. I hate the way it generally looks at the moment (ignore the photobomber lol).

Thanks Bev.

My weight has been static for a while now. I'm probably eating too much but not enough to really gain anything. It's annoying and I need to stop.

Here's a photo. It will never be perfect but it's better at least.

Thanks. It's far from it lol, but like I said, definitely better! Still a looooong way to go though!

Somehow I have dropped to 9 st 6.75 this morning?? Not sure how, as I haven't really done anything different except maybe gone out for a couple of longish walks after a period of sluggishness. Maybe that did it.

Anyway, it all seems very real now. 9 st 6ish is a significantly decent weight in my head (probably because I used to hover around here in the past when I wasn't suffering with my mental health) - but somehow I don't feel like I look much different? I can see I have lost weight, obviously, but I still feel gross and fat and unattractive. I see a photo of my face and it's SO obviously different/thinner with cheekbones popping out all over the place ... but when I look in the mirror at myself, it's just grim.

Typical. It was always like this and I should have known my body positivity wouldn't last long lol. I'm constantly mentally putting myself down now - shit hair, shit-looking crepey skin, shit flabby arse, shit non-existent muscle tone etc. etc. etc. ad nauseam. I really need to start properly exercising, but though I am much better now I am being medicated for my deficiency I'm really afraid of hurting my muscles and going back to how I was before.

Arrgh.

On the up side, my eyelashes seem to have grown back. They never totally fell out, but they had gone really short and you couldn't really detect them without mascara, meaning I looked a little like a fat alien. They're longer and darker now - not great, but then they never were really. I assume this is from the vitamin D. I hope it will work its magic on my head hair too, which now has a lot of stupid short bits all the way round the edges. I haven't had it cut in over 18 years though, so the short bits will probably take a long time to catch up with the rest. FML!

Yay lashes. Nothing impressive, I know, but they really were rubbish before.

Been stuck at the same weight for weeks now! It's really annoying, but if I am honest with myself, I am not trying hard enough.

Plan to up my game now, but still cannot exercise as I have had a relapse of my symptoms for some reason, which is kind of concerning and makes me think there must be something worse going on.

Quite satisfied with my shape now and feel like it looks ok with clothes on but the wrinkles are still apparent. There has been some improvement with dermarolling but not enough so I am now looking into eventually getting fibroblast treatment. I'm also about to get my tattoo removed (which is very exciting) - I got it done illegally when I was 16 and the person who did it wasn't very good so it looks awful! Once it's gone I have some new ones planned for my spine. Cannot wait.

Here's my wrinkly belly ...